What’s the Protocol?

There is no right or wrong way to deal with loss and miscarriage. Most days, you ask me how I am doing. I will keep it positive and hopeful with just a touch of sadness. Why? Because it is true. “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Miscarriages are hard to talk about. As a mother, you feel embarrassed. You feel like it is something you should skirt around to spare others the awkward “Oh, I’m so sorry.” or the dreaded “At least it was early.” But I say STOP pregnancy loss at any stage is loss, and like with any grief, you are allowed to feel. You are entitled to feel sad, heartbroken, angry, lost, or cheated. I know I have felt all of those emotions at one point or another over the last two years. Usually, I get hit by all of them at once. While I choose to cling to my faith and remember that God is the center of my story. I find myself overwhelmed and consumed by everything I can’t control or change.

So last night, I cried. I missed my babies. I was confused and lost. The plan I made, the goal and dream I have come to think about constantly, suddenly seemed so unattainable. So I cried out and prayed to God. I asked why? I wondered what am I supposed to do? I asked what He needed from me? If you are like me and grew up in a Christian church. You are probably thinking the same thing I felt and thought, “You cannot question or doubt God.” But was I? Was I really doubting or questioning my Heavenly Father? No, I was running to Him for comfort and safety, like any child scared, confused, sad, or hurt. I was running to the one place I knew I would be protected and comforted.

He knows what is in our hearts. He knows and feels our pain and sorrow, but He still wants us; He needs us to trust Him with our deepest thoughts and our most painful heartbreaks, just like I desire my own son to run to me when life is overwhelming. So I ran and hid, and I cried, and my Father heard my prayers. He showed me this by giving me the verse that I have been clinging to from the very start of this journey “In our hearts we plan our course, but the Lord establishes our steps.” Proverbs 16:9.

So remember who made the mountain you have been asked to climb. And that He is also there to help you climb it. I write this hoping that someone else going through the same hurt or any hurt will read this and find some encouragement, understanding, and love.

It Takes a Village,

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